Don't let your mind bully your body.
That speaks to me on a deep level, especially lately. As 2020 has detoured everyone's life, I know I am not alone in the daily struggle. Add in life at 32 and well...it's been a total mind fuck.
A few years back I took control of my life by hitting the gym, eating right, and trying new things. Cue my 30s! Everyone has told me how your body changes at 30 and I am here at 32 to tell you..it is so fucking true. These past 7 months have been a total challenge - for us all! - and for me its wavered from mental challenges to emotional challenges. However, I will hands down say it's consistently been a physical struggle.
It's felt like my body is revolting against me and all the work I do for myself. A few years back I took control of my life by hitting the gym, eating better, and trying new things. I lost 20+ lbs. and had been successful at keeping it off. Truth is, it wasn't about the weight although I felt good. My main goal was to feel good and strong. And I did! Here lately, it's like my body is revolting. As the pandemic shut the world down, I was more stationary than not - even though I continued to show up for myself with runs and virtual yoga.
Suddenly, clothes weren't fitting right and everything ached. & my mind just bullied my body. It's been a constant mind battle to remind myself I am fit, I am strong. The change in my body is well hello 30s! Clothes weren't fitting not because of my lack of work, but quite literally my body changing and my hips arriving. (Thank you life's reminder I am in my prime childbearing years!) Still, my mind was confused and I kept the pressure on myself to do it all. I couldn't shake the thought I had failed myself. No I hadn't!
"Stop trying to fix your body. It was never broken." Eve Ensler
Here comes the problem, my body is just achy. As I continue to show up for myself, my body is telling me NO! Again more mind battles. Yes, I do take recovery days - even recovery weeks. But still, I just ache. Runs sucks. Yoga sucks. Cycle sucks. Hell, WALKING can suck! All of it had been damn hard. I want to feel good in my skin and feel good showing up for my body. And neither has been easy to come by. It's a total mind fuck. Exercise is what I want to release stress, move my body, and improve my self-talk. Yet here I am...hurting. What gives?
But when I intentionally shift my focus, I see the silver lining. My body deserves grace. Grace to moves how it needs. Grace to slowly replenish itself. Grace to take the time is needs. By giving my body grace, I am giving my mind grace that is so deserves. I beat myself up so much more than I may ever share. And quite honestly, it is exhausting. I have a half-marathon in 8 weeks. While I am scared, I am allowing myself to sit back and enjoy it. Not aim for that PR, not compare to last year's run...but to just do it. Sometimes we are so busy setting goals, chasing PRs, doing all the things, we forget to one very important thing.
To respect our bodies.
On a girls trip recently, we hiked Humpback Rock. That shit was steep and hard. I was struggling - who doesn't on a steep incline! At the top, as I took in some of the most beautiful views, I thought to myself...your body did that shit! And all week it's been my go-to thought, giving my body the credit it so deserves for what it conquers. Yes, these pictures I could nit pick the eff out of, but what good will it do me? Not a damn thing. So do I feel my very best? No. But I am proud of what this body has given me. Proud it shows up with me to do all the things. It may hurt and ache, but it shows up. This body has shown up for years of soccer, a few years of track, a half-marathon + countless other runs, some yoga, badass Cyclebar rides, killer hikes, and SO much more. Not to brag, but that is pretty dope! There's so much more for this body to do - like a half-marathon in 7 weeks.
Body image is something I have always struggled with throughout my life. Its brought me to unhealthy depths before, debilitating insecurity, and so much more. With the evolution of social media, it is so easy to compare our bodies. But social media gives up just a snippet in one's world. We don't know their daily struggle, their history, their 100% truth. Instead, we see an image that appears to be perfect and toned and fit. What we don't see if the work, the tears, the heartache it may have taken to get to that point. And I have been victim to the comparison game, especially during these times. But by comparing, I have failed to give myself credit for my own work! That was a more disappointing realization. Have I stopped to compare completely? No, but I have worked on reminding myself that I am persevering for myself. Nobody else. After all, this is my journey of life.
So who cares if my abs don't show through or my cellulite is on full display or my boobs don't look picture perfect. It's my true, authentic body. That will continue to show up...until it can't anymore.
At the end of the day, my main focus is to not let my mind bully my body. I deserve it.
& you do, too.
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