August 1 - a near and dear date in my life. It was the day I decided to take back my life, so to speak. This was back in 2016. It was a weird and challenging summer.
My best friend had moved out...but our friendship was seemingly ending. And during that time, I came to realize I was suffering from what I think is extreme anxiety. That anxiety was crushing my friendships, so when things suddenly changed with that specific friend...I looked around and realized something. I was alone.
It was time I make a change.
Look good, feel good..right? Well, I didn't feel good and certainly didn't like my reflection. It was at time everything seemed to spinning out of control. So, you control what you can control. My diet and body were (& are!) in my control. I started there. I committed to myself that August 1, I'd start eating better. It was a Monday, so an easy mental starting point. Soon after, I added in walking. I'd walk for miles at a time. Not only did walking help me physically, but it helped me clear my mind.
Soon after, I had to push my limits more. How? I reached out to a longtime best friend that I had alienated over some time. I had to humble myself to tell her, "Sorry, can you forgive me?" And let me tell you, I was terrified. But here I am in 2020 with her steadfastly by my side. It was as if we didn't miss a beat. Next, I tackled my gym fear. It was a source of crippling fear. I did it though! And now, I haven't felt the same fear going back. I've become comfortable with weight lifting and not caring if there's judgement...because I am doing me!
Finally, I found a therapist. Okay, fine it's not fitness related! However, our lives are a puzzle with each piece connecting to another area of our life. Fitness and good nutrition were just two pieces I could control. But, my mental health needed me. And I could control it. So, it was time I did. (Disclaimer - I still suffer from crippling anxiety, but I am better equipped to handle it!)
Four years later, I am reflecting back on the one simple decision. It was a decision to take control of my life. But it has paid off in ways I never imagined.
What started as a way to lose weight, to feel good, and to find myself has dominoed into SO much more. In that time, I've become the best version of myself! I can say with certainty, that at my core I am happy with Devin. Yes, there are still those days I feel absolutely terrible - let's face it we all have those days. When that happens, deep inside I remember just how far I have come. I have the greatest support system, the most amazing dog, crushed some serious goals, adventured, conquered fears, experienced new things....the list is seriously endless.
So August 1, I reset my mindset. Refocus my goals. Realign to myself. Because afterall, it's August 1. And amidst a global pandemic and some personally challenging weeks...I deserve it. Take back control. Allow myself space to keep moving forward and growing with each passing day. Give myself the grace for the challenging days, the failures, and the dashed hope - I mean...perfection does not exist. BUT! It's necessary to give myself the permission to find the joy in the journey, to celebrate the success, and to be happy. When all is said and done, the only person looking out for you is yourself. So do it! When you're afraid to start, do it anyways. And you will never be alone.
Show the F up. For yourself. You damn deserve it. (& I can tell you with certainty, it was the best thing I have done for myself.)
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