Phew, I am tired! With 12 weeks to go Norfolk Harbor Half, it feels like I won't get there.
So, I woke up today for my 7 mile long run. I had a plan to do run/walk intervals, giving myself grace to just get moving. But once I started, it never seemed to click. I fell apart by mile 3 and quit at 4. My legs just wouldn't move, it felt like they were screaming at me to stop. My mind completely broke down and it wasn't long before the bouts of tears. It was frustrating and discouraging to say the least! But it wasn't all bad...I did take a break to swing at the park. Because I had to make myself find some joy in the misery. Come on, who doesn't love swinging?
I am disappointed. Disappointed in myself that I didn't complete the mileage. Disappointed that I am regressing in my fitness - well running. Disappointed. BUT, I got after it. I still got up out of bed, put my shoes on, grab my water bottle, and left. It was ugly AF, but it wasn't choosing to stay in bed. (I can't lie, I think I'll feel guilt most of the day though...)
These last two weeks have been grueling. I have kept mostly on track - maybe lowering some miles here and there. So for two weeks, I have been active for 12 of 14 days. I've stuck to my plan in so far as getting in cross training, lifts, and runs. That is something to be proud of in the end.
Truth be told, I am not necessarily training for a race. Odd, right? It's been a challenging few months as we all navigate a pandemic. I felt myself regressing in many aspects of my life. So really this training isn't for the race, but give myself focus. Training is something I can control each and every day. It's the time I am choosing for myself to get away. This training cycle isn't about a PR so much as giving myself some purpose to each day. I deserve to give myself movement! With training, it's conquering each day; maybe not always the best but a win nonetheless. So while I am disappointed I quit, I still got out of bed and ran. I still kept true to myself these last two weeks with movement and focus on the goal.
See my dreams unfold, nightmares come true // It was time to marry the game and I said, "Yeah, I do." // If you want it gotta see it with a clear-eyed view. - Meek Mill
Now if you know me, you know I am a die-hard Philadelphian...so I love Meek Mill. Dreams & Nightmares was the anthem to the Eagles Super Bowl winning season. Three years later, it's still my own personal anthem. Secretly - until now - I blast it randomly. And every time, it's this exact part that just speaks directly to me.
With that specific lyric in mind, it's all about the commitment. This commitment isn't about a PR (even though, it would be hella nice!), it's about bettering myself along the way. Keeping my clear-eyed view on Race Day when I will come out stronger, both mentally and physically. Chasing the goal is hard AF, it will get ugly. I just know, it will be worth it. And regardless, I deserve the time I dedicate to training everyday to myself. To honor the work my body can do, the allow my mind the room to grow, and get one step closer to the goal.
Here's to the next week of training! & dear legs, please be kind to me.
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